The Four Loves

If C.S. Lewis' "four loves" could even be assumed to be of equal weight, why is "love" often only synonymous with "romance?" As when people say "I have no love in my life"? It seems to me, the easiest way to add some love to your life is to treat your family and neighbors with respect and kindness, shoring up for yourself some "love," in the form of what is called "storge" (affection for those kindred) and "phileo" (friendship) love. Once that is accomplished, those who weep and cry out for want of love would be able to say that they do have some love in their life, and therefore, should be able dry their eyes. But they can't.

The thing of it is, society and culture has become so twisted that people are made to hunger after a particular kind of love, "eros," at the expense of the others, or at least, as they are made to downplay the other, easier, and equally-fulfilling forms of love. Hungering after eros is perfectly fine and human to do, just as all love is, but it also happens to be the hardest love to achieve and maintain. So when people say they "don't have any love in their life," it's because they're being made to beat themselves up for hungering after and not possessing the hardest kind of love there is, whilst being made to ignore the plentiful opportunities around them to give and receive love to the world. They seek the one, and get lost in the crowd.

This is partly because "eros" love is so emphasized, promoted, romanticized, and idolized (and therefore merchandised) in culture and the others are ignored. The plain truth we are left to grapple with is that not everyone can achieve eros even if everyone is made to want it, whether naturally or by constant prompting by modern culture. Promoting eros, erotica, romance, and all forms of "partner love" to expense of the other forms of love, as society does in movies, television, music, and all media in general, actually depresses people whose only fault is being unable to possess what is perhaps the hardest thing to possess. What is the natural remedy often cited for depression? Charitable giving. Research shows that charity plays a large role in people's overall happiness in life. So less love in the world comes about when people are made to think that love is less than it is.

It is said though that society does value all the forms of love, including friendship, charity, affection, and romance, but just in their own "places." It resigns the friendship to the schoolyard, as if children aren't capable of romance or charity, and likewise, as if friendship is too "immature" for adults or charity too "righteous." Thus every child should have a friend, but every adult should have a lover instead, while a child is denied a lover and an adult is denied a friend. Society resigns charity to the church, for being something one only does when they want to atone for themselves or feel righteous. It reserves affection for the family, viewing the family like some kind of affection deposit box for the individual in the rush of their life. For eros though, it reserves for the bedroom, so that those who can't achieve the bedroom come away despaired and "lonely."

Why does there need to be a "place" for these things? Why not try out true friendship? Why can't pop songs be about romantic love and charity alike? Why can't all four, and perhaps even other kinds of love, be celebrated equally everywhere between all people?

No More Hurting People

While the world focuses on and celebrates the capture and trial of the remaining perpetrator of the heinous attack in Boston, let's take a moment to recognize what is at stake always and continually. A final plea for righteousness in a fallen world:

No more hurting people. Peace.

Kids Offer Tribute to Martin Richard.